Woman Gets Off On Ironing Ex's Penis

A word of caution, keep your penis far from one of these things and don't ask to have your dick straightened.

   Because I can, I’m designating today, May 7^th, Manmeat Monday and bringing you another tale of asshatery and penis mishaps. Today’s Cock and Ball story comes from Sweden, where a drunken buffoon dared his ex to clamp his dilly into her straightening iron. The original article had no names, so I will refer to them as Mr. NumbNuts and Ms. CockScorcher. The incident took place last January, when the 31-year-old NumbNuts, drunk off his ass at his ex’s apartment with her and another woman, asked his ex to “straighten” his penis. The idea popped into his head because at the time, Ms. CockScorcher was ironing her hair. 

   According to the CockScorcher’s statement, NumbNuts said, “Do it, do it, do it,” and while at first she resisted, his actions forced her to oblige. Apparently the wasted NumbNuts was manhandling his junk and waving it around like a Finnish Helicopter. Fed-up with his antics, CockScorcher clamped the heated flat iron down on NumbNuts schlong and squeezed the shit out of it. NumbNuts’ reaction? He laughed it off and asked for ice. In court testimony, though, NumbNuts said that having his penis pressed like a Panini left him in pain for almost three weeks.

   So, going back to the day dude’s dick was toasted, NumbNuts and CockScorcher got into an argument a few hours after the iron singe and it escalated into a physical confrontation. CockScorcher slapped NumbNuts and he countered with a headbutt. He noggin-punched the chick so hard she fell to the floor and then, like a massive pussbag, he repeatedly hit her in the face. NumbNuts claimed the reaction was instinctual, a reaction developed due to a hard knock life. Charges were filed against both NumbNuts and CockScorcher, but because NumbNuts damn near begged to get his dick McGriddled, CockScorcher was acquitted. NumbNuts was found guilty of assault for his shitbag actions that occurred later in the evening.

   He should have asked her to roll his sausage in her curling iron and put a little upward curve in his Lil Smokey. Or just kept it in his pants and avoided this situation entirely. Thank you, Sweden, this story has by far been your best export, fuck Ace of Base, ABBA and your shoddy build-it-yourself furniture.

His Name Was MCA, He Had a License to Ill...R.I.P

Adam "MCA" Yauch, August 4, 1964-May 4, 2012

I was thrown for a loop yesterday when I heard the news that one of the Beastie Boys died. I like any other B-Boy fan,  immediately said to myself, "Oh my gawd, Mike D! He has AIDS"...lol,  knowing that was always a bullshit rumor, I went nuts trying to find out what the fuck happened and which of my Boys passed on.  It was MCA, and even though I heard about the cancer stuff he dealt with in the past years, and knowing that he had to be sick when he didn't make it to the B-Boys induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,  I still wasn't prepared to hear he was gone.   The Beastie Boys were, still and will always be a huge part of my love for music, they were fucking dope, and they were fucking ILL....and they still are, but MCA, is gone. Three bad brothers you know so well, are now two...Damn.

I can go into a rant about what MCA, Ad Rock, and Mike D did for Rap and Hip Hop, or how they crossed color barriers and made white, Hardcord kids from Brooklyn  look cool...but that has been said before by many and if you don't know what they contributed to music history, go listen to "License to Ill", "Pauls Boutique",  "Check your Head" and "Ill Communication"....

Adam "MCA" Yauch, died at age 47, yesterday in NYC, after a three year battle with cancer that started in his salivary gland. He's survived by his wife, daughter and his parents.  His Holiness the Dali Lama, along with many other people who worked with Yauch have said how much good he did, and how much he truly cared for others. I will remember seeing him on stage at Madison Square Garden, at 17, for the first time, being so amazed, happy and high off the beats, rhymes and music he gave to us.  What a loss.  I'm sure this passing of such an awesome talent won't be shoved down our throats like Whitney Houstons death from a crack binge, or any of the other lame celebrity deaths, where we get to be assaulted by the "tributes" and constant reminders of those "artists" public asshattery recapping their lives thrown away by addiction. So it's only right that an artist like MCA, who truly did right in life to be remembered in a different fashion for how he lived, the things he gave and how he was always on point. Respectfully.  He's gonna rock the mic in the next life....

“I wanna say a little something that’s long overdue/ The disrespect to women has got to be through/ To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends/ I want to offer my love and respect to the end.”- verse from 1994 Sure Shot, off Ill Communication....

Man Attempts To Drown Fun And Life Out Of Stepson

While out there having fun in the warm California sun, an asshole attempted to drown his stepson in the guise of a swimming lesson. 21-year-old Jacqorie Charles Stansell is accused of attempted murder and child cruelty after holding the stepson underwater because he got frustrated with the kid’s lack of aquatic skills. In typical dick without a cause fashion, Stansell has pleaded not guilty and remains in custody, with bail set at $1 million.

According to witnesses, Stansell held the boy underwater in an apartment complex pool for 15 minute intervals until the boy appeared to be lifeless. At that point, Stansell tossed the kid out of the pool and then took him home. Apparently the boy actually stopped breathing, but paramedics managed to revive him. From there, the boy was flown to a local hospital for treatment. The kid has since recovered, but has been placed in protective custody, along with his 2-year-old sister. The boy's mother was at home with the younger child while her Dick of the Month was dunking her son underwater like an Oreo in milk.

What the hell happened to strapping water wings on a kid and tossing them into the pool? When did drowning kids like unwanted kittens become the technique for teaching a child to swim? Seriously, people, if you don't have the patience for children, don't have them and don't enter a relationship with someone who does. And Baby Poopers, don't squat and drop kids out of your hoo-ha if you aren’t up to the task of taking care of them or making sure the person you leave them with can be trusted to return them to you alive and unharmed. Just a little bit of fucking caution can save you a whole lot of grief and spare your child from becoming a headline.

Victim Becomes Worst Kind of Perpetrator

 It is undeniable that Adam Croote had a horrible childhood. When he was 2-years-old, his father killed his pregnant mother and left Little Toddler Adam alone with her body. Two years later, he was abducted by his maternal grandparents during a custody battle. He was a missing child for 3 years until he and his grandparents were located, living under aliases. Adam became a sort of poster child for missing children and was even invited to the White House as former President Bill Clinton signed a policy for missing children posters to be put in federal buildings. While I feel sadness for the child Adam Croote, I think the grown-up Adam is a complete piece of shit.

Adam’s foray into deviance actually started when he was a teenager, when he was convicted of sexually assaulting an instructor at a group home. Since that conviction, he was required to register as a sex offender, but was arrested five years ago for failing to do so. He ended up registering, but apparently making it known that he was a sexual predator means jack shit and didn’t stop him from claiming another victim. And that brings us to why Adam Croote is a headliner today.

Adam recently pled guilty to attacking a 10-year-old girl he was baby-sitting. Yes, a registered sex offender was baby-sitting and the real kicker is that the girl’s family KNEW HE WAS A SEX OFFENDER! They knew his past, but still asked him to watch their little girl on a school day afternoon. They basically gave this sick son of a bitch the go ahead to harm their child and he did. He raped and choked her, but this resilient girl managed to escape as he tried to strangle the life out of her and is alive today, no thanks to her idiotic and careless family.

Adam has been sentenced to 25 years to life for this disgusting crime and I truly hope he serves it while getting served with a heaping helping of prison justice. He went through a shitty childhood, but that wasn’t an excuse or a go ahead to become the worst kind of criminal. It did not give him the right to victimize another child because of what he had to endure. It reminds me of those old broads who start banging teens and then pawn it off on being molested when they were girls. How they try to justify what they did by claiming to also be a victim. What a fucking insult to real victims. Having been a victim, you would think a person would be less inclined to put an innocent child through what they supposedly went through. It’s disgusting, especially when it works and these victimizing former victims get a tiny slap on the wrist.

I feel for the child that Adam Croote was and all that happened to him, but I have absolutely no sympathy for what he has become. 

Adam at age 7, when he was reunited with his grandmother, Linda Koerner. Heartbreaking.

Arrest Warrant Issued For Dumbfuck Who Allowed Son To Become A Scooby Snack

     Back on the 20th of April, I did a write-up on the tragic and completely preventable death of 2-month-old Aiden McGrew. Aiden was brutally attacked by a dog that his family was pet-sitting, not the family dog, Lucky, as earlier reported. This poor baby suffered tremendously, his legs were torn from his body and he was basically disemboweled. This all happened while his father slept in another room with his 3-year-old and their dog. The shittiest fact about this case is that it wouldn't have happened at all had Aiden's father, Quintin McGrew, exercised a little common sense and put the animals out while he napped and neglected his child.

     Aiden's death was ruled a homicide due to parental negligence and an arrest warrant on a felony neglect charge has now been issued for Quintin McGrew. He faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted and I can't honestly say I feel bad for the guy. I feel horrible for Aiden, how he suffered and his little life was senselessly cut short, and I feel bad for his siblings, who are now wondering why their little brother is gone and missing him. I even feel sorry for mom, even though I was pretty disturbed about her laughing about putting Aiden's legs in the freezer with all the meat in the 911 call she made after finding her son torn apart on the floor and the dog she took in to help out a friend covered in his blood. I can't muster the sympathy for Dad though, because if he had just taken the one precautionary measure of putting the dogs out, Aiden's life could have been spared.

     Dog attacks are nothing new and while sometimes these attacks are random, just some stranger dog let loose in a neighborhood, some are the family pet or other familiar dog that people trusted, literally, with their lives and the lives of their children. People underestimate what their domesticated canines are capable of and forget that even though they're trained and appear to be obedient, they are still only animals. They have instincts that can be randomly triggered by the simplest of things. A hand gets a little to close to it's food, a little one falls into it, a gesture misinterpreted as a threat. Dogs can't think through and weight the consequences of their actions the way humans can, so when it lunges, snaps, bites and shreds, it didn't weight it's decision before hand. It reacted and someone pays the price. Now is that the sort of creature that should be entrusted with the life of a vulnerable and helpless baby?

     It's a parents duty to protect their child and ensure their safety. Quintin McGrew failed at that epically at the cost of his child's life. 2 minutes cut out of his nap time and Quintin McGrew could have saved Aiden the suffering he endured and seen him grow up. I think this father's actions, or inactions, were selfish and lazy and this appalling mistake has cost him not only his son, but his freedom. He may be suffering the loss of his son, if he gave a shit about him, but ultimately, it's Quintin McGrew's fault that this baby only made it 2 months in this world, so forgive me if I can't feel bad for a guy who snoozed through his child being used as a chew toy when all it would have taken to prevent this child's death was a measly few minutes to lock out the dog.

Quintin McGrew Catching Some Z's