Show Me On The Doll Where John Travolta Touched You

Travolta channeling Mr. Clean...and we all know Mr. Clean has a spotless and well fucked anus.

      It looks like today is going to be Travolta Tuesday. Our celebrity shit talk has been on the back burner for a while, but I think this doozy is a great start to making up for neglecting the famous. John Travolta is being sued by an unidentified male masseur who claims he was sexually assaulted by Travolta in January at the Beverly Hills Hotel. In the suit filed last Friday, the masseur claims Travolta rubbed up on his leg, diddled his genitals and attempted to initiate some whoopee action inside a private bungalow. The masseur is also seeking a jury trial, most likely to embarrass the shit out of Travolta so that he’ll just settle out of court before this claim goes anywhere. What’s funny about that though, the masseur’s lawyer, Okorie Okorocha, says his client can file as John Doe if he fears extreme embarrassment if his identity is known because under California law, victims of a sexual assault are allowed to do so. Isn’t his identity going to “come out” if they take it to trial? 

Does this look gay to you?

     The lawsuit also goes into quite a bit of detail, saying the massage was anonymously arranged by a caller who met the masseur at a prearranged location on the street, picked him up and then drove him to the hotel where he would be paid $200 an hour for his “services.” That sounds like a hooker to me, but this guy’s clinging to the masseur title, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. The masseur was reportedly paid $800 after he was taken back to the location where he was picked up. Supposedly, while still at the hotel, Travolta tried to convince him to tag team a "Hollywood starlet in the building that wanted to have three-way sex and to be double penetrated." The masseur also claims Travolta told him he "got where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his Welcome Back, Kotter days." Up your nose with a rubber hose!

     Travolta’s attorney released a statement, calling the claims a “complete fiction and fabrication. None of the events claimed in the suit ever occurred.” The statement also says that the day the masseur claims he met Travolta, Travolta wasn’t even in California. That he was on the east coast and that can be verified. The belief is that the masseur and his attorney have filed this suit to get some of Travolta’s Urban Cowboy cash and their 15 minutes of fame. If it can be proven that Travolta wasn’t even in California that day, then Fame Whore probably is the case, but that still doesn’t prove Kelly Preston isn’t a Beard.

     I’ve always flip flopped when it comes to liking Travolta, as an actor and a person. He has been in some shit, but I actually like a couple of his movies. Don’t judge, assholes. He seems like a do-gooder, but he’s also a Scientologist. Are there gay Scientologists? Is that allowed in Alienville? I don’t know whether I believe this closet hooker’s claim or not, but that “John Travolta’s Gay” rumor has been floating around for a long time. And I have proof!!! Via Family Guy. What? It still counts.