Elisha DiPietro: A Fat Fetishist's Nightmare Come True

I should have got CT to do this.

From what I've heard, Elisha Double-Dips-Too-Much wants to be an actress. I don't know if there's another Free Willy sequel coming out or if Babe needs a stunt double, but I just don't think this chunk...oops, I mean chick...has the chops to be an actress. Not just because she would fill up the screen with her blubberliciousness, leaving little room for any co-stars, but because her shitty portrayal of an innocent person since the day Ayla was reported missing is B-movie caliber acting at best. You would think someone who aspires to be a Hollywood liar, would be better at lying, but if she's this horrible at trying to convince us she and her family didn't have anything to do with Ayla's disappearance, her chances at BIG screen success are slim...which she is not. She's about the size of 5 anorexics, so unless she's giving Tinsel Town a 5 for 1 deal, she should probably look into getting some of that fat back, butt gut and those jowls she inherited from Phibber mama sucked out or sloughed off.
I don't know what the drama is with her baby daddy, but from what's on the web, the dude allegedly abused and maybe threatened her. I've seen pics of Justin Linnell, that dude is like one big deuce away from Starvin' Marvin, Elisha could fucking crush that guy. Did he withhold food? Is that the abuse? He's being starved into Calista Flockhart while this ham beast is packing more fat on her meaty cankles.

Elisha Dipietro: Victim of Can'tStopEatingEverythingInSight-itis

Put the fork down, Elisha. Stop feeding you face for a minute, swallow down all that bullshit and start telling the fucking truth. You and your family know what happened to Ayla and your theatrical skills blow, so it's time to fess up. The longer you people drag this out, the more time LE has to scrape together more evidence and build more cases against you and your family. Do you really want to go to jail? Lose your baby? Lose your chance at being Fat Chick #2 in another Scary Movie sequel? Is all the lying worth it? Look at what happened in the Susan Powell case. LE had to dig into the lives of the Powell's and found evidence of crimes not even related to Susan's disappearance. Sick pedophile videos and what not, kids get taken away, gross grandpa sits in jail. We didn't get a happy ending in that case because everyone underestimated the evil Josh Powell was capable of. He cracked under the pressure and knew he was fucked. Is that what you're waiting for, Dipshit? The tightening of the noose so you can take the easy way out? Is that honestly what you and your family want? Why not lose some weight and unburden yourself by telling LE where Ayla is and what you people did to her. You won't drop down to a size 2, but maybe your conscience will lose some weight, assuming you even have one.
Porky, you're going nowhere. The best you'll be able to do is maybe a couple Plumper films and even that's unlikely 'cause you look like you smell and I think even guys who fuck fatty's for pay wouldn't be able to gag their way through balling you. How about you stop eating the beans and start spilling 'em and maybe the next 15 minutes of fame you get after this will be some awesome Bulimia inducing Feedee videos on Youtube. I always enjoy those when I'm feeling bloated.
Do some good for once in your shitty life and give Ayla the justice she deserves. You may not have loved her or cared about what happened to her, but others do and they want her home. Let her come home. Purge, you tubby bitch, purge like a super model and tell us where she is. This message was brought to you by letter G. G for gastric bypass.