Octomom: Living the Dream

Blowing kisses and killing boners everywhere.

In the spirit of the All American can-do-attitude Nadya Suleman, aka Octomom. has pulled herself up by her stripper heels and gotten herself and her tribe of children off of Welfare! We can all sleep better at night knowing that Octomom has done her part in helping California get out of it's $16 billion deficit by no longer needing hand outs. Between Octomom's nudie pics of her scarred and stretch marked tummy, horrific fap porn (that she emphatically stated she would never do, but, you know, bitch gotta get a manicure) and pole sliding, she has managed to pull in 6 figures already. It goes to show you that Plain Jane girls anywhere in this great land of opportunity can get a hellacious amount of bad plastic surgery, implant her womb with a litter of chirruns and dance her way into Stardom. A place where any ole ho can drive their parents into bankruptcy by living with them and her horde of nose pickers and then move into a half million dollar house that you don't have to pay for and let your kids destroy that shit.

The ever classy and beautiful (hork) Suleman has only been stripping for a couple of weeks now, but apparently has had people throwing fistfuls of dollars at her shimmy and shake. I have to wonder if the highlight of her routine is making the pole completely disappear by hiding it in her clown car lady bits sideways. You know that shit could totally fit after spitting out 14 kids in just 4 pregnancy's without a thought to how she would support them or herself. Her snatch doubles as a blow pop dispenser with so many sticks hanging out her g-string, I imagine it to look like a dozen tampons shoved up there to stem the flood gates of her red flow every time she spreads her hamhocks. One day her little girls are going to look up at their Mommy and be so proud to know that she brought them out of the depths of despair by sexing it up to a curious and no doubt now mentally scared adoring public. Octomom has proven to the world that her latest welfare stint was only temporary as she said. Well done, Ms. Suleman, well done.

Working hard for the money

Mother-Son Boning.....With Sex

The Convict

Mistie Atkinson, 32, is just a normal woman in all respects (yeah right) that just happened to fall in love....With her own SON! Atkinson hadn't seen her baby boy for 15 years, so she thought that it would be a viable excuse for a little incestuous hook-up. She blames her attraction to her offspring on a little researched phenomenon called "genetic attraction". The reason why I believe that this is just a dumbass bullshit excuse for her being a sick bitch is because when she hunted him down on Facebook and before ever meeting the 16-year-old boy, she started sending him explicit and inappropriate messages. Now I don't know what excuse the boy has, other than being a horny ass teenager, for finding this to be such a turn on. Let me repeat this, this woman is HIS MOTHER AND THEY BOTH KNEW THIS. The boys father has had custody and raised him for 15 years. She had no contact with him until he was 16. The milk's gotta be tainted for a woman to, first of all, loose complete custody of her child and secondly, not have any contact with said child for 15 years.

What fuck is up with that nasty ass kitchen?

After finally having a much anticipated family reunion, Atkinson began sending her son nudie pics of herself and filmed a sex tape in a cheap motel. Paternal family members became suspicious of the seemingly wholesome relationship when they discovered the creepy phone texts and Facebook conversations and contacted authorites. The two were discovered in a Motel in Ukiah, California on March 2nd. You hear that Boo, not all incest happens in the South. HA HA!

In a letter to court Atkinson wrote, "I don't feel that I should be charged with incest because there is something called 'genetic attraction' that is a very powerful (phenomenon) that happens to 50 (percent) of people becoming reunited with a long-lost relative." Bullshit! If that were the case then can you imagine just how many adopted family members would be screwing all over the place? There'd be one eyed flipper babies galore.

Bitch has been sentenced to 4 years and 8 months, but could be out in as little as 2 years if she behaves herself. Just think, that with good behavior she can be released in time to take her son out to celebrate his 18th birthday. Oh fuck....

I'm loving her exquisite eyebrows

Reunited And It Feels So Good...

Like penis cheese and foreskin, you just can't keep these two apart for long.

     Just when I had lost all hope in true romance, Jordan Powers and her geriatric, cradle-robbing ex-teach lover, James Hooker, renew my faith in real L-O-V-E, love. Just last week I had updated the case of Hooker & Powers whirlwind love affair, reporting that the couple had been torn apart by the law and Hooker's super grossness, also known as his unquenchable thirst for teeny bop cherries. On a phone call from jail, Powers broke up with Hooker after learning that he had in fact diddled other students before her. That she was not his first. GASP! This was so unexpected. Middle-aged married father and she was not his first? No fucking way!

     So, as the story of our star-uncrossed lovers goes, Hooker was arrested and charged for the sexual assault of a 17-year-old student that happened back in 1999. This was found out after Jordan Powers’ mother Tammie pushed police to investigate, insisting that the relationship between her daughter and the scuzzy old man now boinking her kid had taken a turn for the sexual on-ramp before Jordan turned 18. Whether or not that’s true has yet to be discovered, as the couple swore on all that is assholey that they did not have sexual relations until Jordan turned barely legal.

     Well, not to be thwarted by the law or kept apart by Hooker’s icky history of preying on young girls, The Hooker/Powers Romance is back on! It seems our young lass just can’t quit the man she called not only her love but her best friend and has moved back into Hooker's apartment. An unidentified neighbor says he was unpleasantly surprised to see Jordan back at the apartment. “I thought her mom would talk some sense into her,” he said. “But it shows how much he is in her head now.” In her head, in heart and in her pants. I tell you, Danielle Steele has got nothing on these two.

     The future of the pair is remains uncertain as Jordan’s mother is still hell bent on keeping the pair apart. Tammie is still fighting to pry her daughter from the Pedo-Beast’s grip, taking her Anti-Student Balling campaign all the way to Assemblywoman Kristin Olsen in an attempt to make it a felony for any teacher to have a sexual relationship with a student, even if they are of legal age. It was Tammie who tipped off the media to her daughter moving out again. She says that as soon as Hooker was released from jail, he began calling her daughter repeatedly, trying to win back his lady fair. And it appears he has, for the time being anyway.

     When asked if she had any comment on the charges Hooker’s facing, Jordan said, “I’m just not interested in talking at all.” Yes, she is standing by her man and keeping her trap shut now that Hooker has her back in his grasp, even though just a week and a half ago she was hurt and sure there were more girls, more victims, more “firsts”. Love does wonders to heal wounds of the heart…and erase all previous condemnations thrown out by an enraged mistress. I don’t think Jordan’s caught on to the fact that Hooker is using her, but maybe she’ll get it when he’s balls deep “in love” with the next student, the one that he leaves her for.

     I do believe Miss Powers has been thoroughly mind-fucked by Mr. Hooker and we’ll be seeing her at his side until the next arrest, where she’ll explain how his dick just fell into another student’s mouth and he was so freaked out he had to nut on her face, but then ran wee wee wee all the way home because it felt naughty and wrong. I think Lifetime is just going to have to turn this into a trilogy. So many twists and turns, it’s the stuff daytime TV is made of. Or maybe Skinemax can make some more of that soft-core their known for based on the scandalous love affair. I honestly don’t think there is any better way to end this current write-up then with a “To Be Continued….”