Men Beware!!!

Nut Cutter Teeth

Okay, I just had to do a write up on this. This Pacu fish has been known to kill men by eating their testicles. Their main diet is NUTS, leaves and aquatic vegetation. And they have a taste for blood. Probably because they are a cousin of Piranha. Just look at those teeth. Scary huh? A couple of fishermen in recent history living in Papua, New Guinea, have died due to the "Nut Cutter's" eating their balls and causing major blood lose. So no skinny dipping! Yes, this fish is known as the "Nut Cutter" locally.

OMG, I can't make this up, just look at those teeth. Well, people of America need to worry about this shit now, because several have been caught in Illinois' Lake Lou Yeager. They, of course, are not native to the area, but are thought to have been exotic animals dumped there by dumbass owners that think that it is better to let their non-native pets go free. Jiminy Cricket, people! Please, DO NOT dump your exotic pet off outside! You fuck up the ecological system by doing this. You may think that you are doing a great service by not having a fish fry, but in actuality, you end up upsetting everything outside.

Florida is having major problems with boa constrictors right now. From the documentaries I've seen, I've only got a few years left, before I walk outside and see a 12 foot snake eating my dog. Thank you very much, you silly bunny lovers and hurricanes. If you must get rid of your exotic pet, please ask your local shelter what to do with it. Please, DO NOT turn it loose.

What's that crappy SyFy movie I haven't seen yet and don't plan on seeing? Snakehead Lake? Yeah, that's based on a true story.

Yes That is a Big Fucking Fish. A Big Fucking Fish Fucking and Procreating In Your Local Lake!

Squid Gets Woman Pregnant

Yes, you read that headline right and no, we're not talking about some crazy hentai shit either. According to a scientific paper from The National Center for Biotechnology Information in Bethesda, Maryland, a 63-year-old woman in South Korea, became "pregnant" in her mouth after eating the shit half cooked. The woman went to doctors complaining of a pricking foreign sensation in her mouth. After examination, the doctor reported finding several "bug-like" organisms on her gums, tongue and cheek. The baby cephalopods are small pods covered in a cement like substance that attaches whenever they are ejaculated. 

Fortunately for her, she spits not swallows and didn't ingest any of that shit. After being hospitalized doctors were able to remove all the critters. I wonder if they hadn't removed them if she would have eventually given birth to them. All those slimy ocean swimmer wriggling around in her mouth. She could totally get used to that, right? Over 6 decades of living, I'm sure this lady has had her fair share of jizzum cocktails, so the feeling of swimmers in her mouth probably isn't completely alien to her. Kidding.

Although there have been several reported cases of Squid impregnating people's mouths, it is still a mystery as to how they are able to do this. Getting knocked up in the mouth by squid is more common in Asian countries because they don't remove all the internal organs of the squid when they are being prepared. Thankfully, in Western countries, we remove the sexual organs and don't actually have to worry about accidentally eating sea life spunk. If you visit a foreign country in the east, I would suggest you steer clear of the calamari.