Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Outbreak of an Internet Epidemic

 Get your vaccinations and keep the penicillin handy, people, we have a pandemic on our hands. A wave of infirmity is sweeping the World Wide Web...and you could be next..if you're hard up for attention and have zero friends. What is this mysterious disease that has people on disability, hopped up on pain killers and is causing a cluster of support groups to pop up all over a defunct crime site? Well, it isn't exactly a disease, or even just one disease, that has people all over a site run by the Village Voice riddled with the symptoms of this vicious condition. It's Munchausen by Internet...and it could be coming to a site near you.
Example of Munchausen by Internet
 What is Munchausen by Internet, you may be wondering? Well, let me give you the jest. In a nutshell, it's basically a bunch of seriously fucked up people going on the internet, bitching and moaning about things that are wrong with them, adding to the list to one up each other should someone else have a better or more exotic disease, and all in an attempt to gain sympathy and internet friends. And it doesn't even have to be a disease. The newest trend in this vicious cycle of internet hypochondria is to make up stories of abuse and violence, create elaborate sob stories of a life less ordinary or the invention of a sudden and previously undiagnosed mental disease.
One Upping the Sympathy Competition
 One of the biggest trends on the make believe syndrome haute list is suddenly being diagnosed as bi-polar. A close second is cancer. Running neck and neck with cancer is the sudden unprompted disclosure of sexual abuse, or rape. And those inexplicably displaying these symptoms of Munchausen are on pain killers or anti-depressants and their number one treatment option is to discuss ad nauseam online every last little thing supposedly wrong with them while desperately attempting to one up someone else in the group should the other person be suffering from a pretend disease deemed more life-threatening, though completely not true. All in the name of getting the biggest cyber hug and the most attention.
Dramatization of a Munchausen by Internet Victim
 Munchausen by Internet seems to also have an odd affect on those not infected by the disease, but influenced by it's sufferers. Those that are unaffected lose their ability to call bullshit or slap sense into victims of this brain addling disease. An unfortunate and tragic side affect of having no life outside of the internet. If you or someone you know starts to display any of these symptoms, call the CDC or your local loony bin. Please avoid coming into contact with a person affected with Munchausen by Internet and steer clear of True Crime Report, it's currently under quarantine. The more you know....

12 comments:

  1. I think they should blow up that site like the government would do to a small town with a monkey bite AIDS like outbreak. Just mushroom cloud TCR already VV...it sucks, blows and is infecting everyone!

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  2. You know I have been spewing my shit about Munchausen by Internet and no one but you would listen to me. I needed to be reminded because I am a sucker and try to be nice and but I know it is futile and don't want to be a part of that cluster fuck anymore. So I needed to be reminded, plus I am mentally ill so at time I am unable to know what is real and what isn't.

    I am still working on my internet death and will have someone come on soon to let you all know that I finally succumbed to my rare illness.

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  3. This is hilarious! Why even keep going to tcr?

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  4. I caught a bad case of KURU. I hope I make it through the weekend. Say your prayers people, I might not make it.

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  5. CT...please do me a solid and tell me what KURU is...I'm mildly retarded today and can't figure it out on my own, and Carl or Molly won't get back to me, they're at a speshul olympic tumblin final.

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    Replies
    1. Kuru, the disease of cannibals...it's like their Wheaties...

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  6. I looked up the 10 worst obscure diseases and this is what I came up with. I didn't want to be part of the been there, done that group with mental illness etc.

    Interestingly enough this disease has an incubation window of over 10 years. People of New Guinea used -- they claim used to -- eat the brains of dead people as part of a funeral ritual.

    I thought I hit the mark with this one. Fine, I will die of something else. Geez, people.

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    Replies
    1. Wow, that sounds more like Zombie shit. Don't get me wrong I love the living dead, but when we give you your final cyber wake, I don't want to see some half ass C-zombie-T posting about tit jobs and MILS.

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  7. I would make a good zombie. I would.

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