Thursday, June 7, 2012

Criminal Stupidity Gets Credit Card Thief Arrested

Today, I bring you stupid news from my side of the coast. A thieving Walnut Creek woman was done in by her own stupidity when she attempted to rob someone of their hard earned dough and purchased groceries on their credit card. What got her dumb ass caught? When she paid for the groceries with the stolen credit card, she used her own Safeway Club Card to save on her ill-gotten groceries. Police were able to track 34-year-old Traci Wheeler right back to her front door through the information on her club card account. 

Apparently, Wheeler stole a woman’s purse and wallet from Skipolini’s Pizza, whatever the fuck that is, and then got all spend crazy with her new found fortune. She made purchases at Safeway, Shell and chevron, spending $118, before the stolen card was deactivated. Being a thrifty thief proved to be Wheeler’s downfall, though, and once police checked Safeway’s records, they were over to Wheeler’s place to arrest her for suspicion of identity theft, burglary and forgery. She bailed out the following day for an unknown amount and as of yet, hasn’t been charged. Why the fuck not?

Security footage of a hatted Traci Wheeler
The amount stolen may not seem like much to some people, but were it my cash, I’d be wanting that cunt still sitting in a cell and my fucking money back. Plus, I feel like Safeway wallet-rapes me every time I go there, so if anyone’s gonna be saving on groceries with my money, it’s gonna be me. I can understand why people steal and I can almost sympathize, if the particular thief isn’t a total piece of flaming dog crap, but it’s a shitty crime. I can’t stand being stolen from, especially when, if I can spare it, I’d be willing to part with a bit of my meager monies for someone in need. It just so happens though that the only “people in need” that are robbing people blind are druggies, assholes and, strangely, people who actually have plenty of money. Pretty damn pathetic. 

It’s my Friday and I’ll cry if I want to…hey, I’ll channel Lesley Gore if I damn well please. I am out for the next couple days, but, as always, I’ll be checking in to mingle and consort with you awesome and hopelessly devoted shit talkers…What? I can’t throw in some Olivia Newton-John a la Grease? I’m tired and it’s after midnight here on the West Side, I’m bound to get a little goofy and start spouting off nonsense and quoting the randomness that pops into my head. Someday, we’ll have to do a week of hiding quotes in write-ups and seeing if anyone gets them. Have a fantastic weekend and I’ll be back before it’s even over for you normies, so you won’t even be long without me.  How great is that? Anybody else missing Shannie? :(
This may piss Shannie off enough to make her pop in for a visit.


  1. Is it weird that when I went looking for that Grease pic of OliNewJo, porn popped up in the search? I wonder what would pop up if I Googled Xanadu....

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