Friday, March 2, 2012

Listen Up, Class! Today's Vocabulary Word Is...TRASHTASTIC!

The Two Lovebirds, 41-year-old James Hooker and 18-year-old Jordan Powers
Oh, how I love a good story about sick fuck teachers who fuck their students! Kidding, I'm actually sick to death of hearing about these people that are supposed to be molding young minds, fucking their brains out instead. Usually the fuckee is some young pre-pube stud muffin (yack) and the fucker is some broad whose not getting enough praise and attention at home with her significant other and blames depression for her need to suck teen dick. At least that's what's been in vogue lately. Today though, I bring you the barf-gasm that is 41-year-old James Hooker and his pervo relationship with a now 18-year-old girl, Jordan Powers. It's a love story!
I'm not exactly sure where the tale begins, but if you believe what Mr. Hooker and Ms. Powers (Hooker Powers...ha!), they began dating on the day of Ms. Powers' 18th birthday, back in September of 2011. Now if your buying that tub of blatant bullshit, you must have been squeezed fresh out your mother's hooha this morning. I tend to go with what another student at the high school had to say about this horkeriffic union of bald teacher and young student with daddy issues...

"She was 14 when they first got together," one student said. "That's pretty disgusting, a guy like an old man would try and go with a really young girl."

Disgusting, indeed, young sir. Rounding out this pedophile's dream of a romance is the fact that Mr. Hooker is married with children, one of whom attended the same high school and is only a year younger than his new love. Proving what a dirty old man he is, Mr. Hooker has now reseigned from his job, though he was on paid administrative leave until recently, left his wife and 3 kids, and is now living in an apartment with the love of his mid-life. Ms. Powers is no longer attending Enochs, opting to finish high school through independant study, and boy oh boy, isn't she a lucky girl, her very own over the hill high school teacher to tutor her!
She's totally into him, right? Not counting the crows feet, gray hairs, or worrying that his drooping jawline is going to look like her beef curtains in a couple years.
 Now, you would think this is the happily ever after for them, right? Geriatric Prince Charming rides off into the sunset with his teeny bop Cinderella and all is well in The Land of Poppin' Cherries, but no, it seems there's a Wicked Witch standing in their way. And by standing in their way, I mean running to the cops and slamming Hooker's Centrum Silver taking ass all over Facebook. It appears Jordan's mother, Tammie Powers, is none too pleased that a man old enough to be her own baby's daddy is fucking around with her child. She believes Hooker and Jordan's relationship began long before her 18th birthday and an official police investigation has been launched, but charges have yet to be filed. I think they will be soon though.
Tammie Powers apparently has texts, emails and phone records exchanged between Hooker and Jordan that go back long before her 18th birthday. There's even a vomit inducing photo of her daughter in Hooker's lap. Totally approprate for a student to be sitting on her male teacher's lap in high school, right? Nothing suspicious there. Hooker insists though that nothing happened between himself and Jordan before her 18th birthday and says Tammie Powers' accusations are a "pack of lies." I'm going to have to side with mom's opinion that Mr. Hooker is "a perverted man in his forties, who has taken advantage of a little girl." While she's no longer a little girl, she is this woman's daughter and even an outsider can see that this whole shitfucked situation is messed up.
Daddy's Girl and Proud Papa
I can't help but feel bad for this Flesh and Blood Viagara Ad's wife and kids because this has got to be mortifying as fuck for them to go through, especially with Tweedle Ancient and Tweedle Just Got Her Period For The First Time giving interviews to Good Morning America (who do they not fucking interview, geez) and Hooker proclaiming that they "really do want to have a future together." He also acknowledges that he's an immoral enema, saying, "In making our choice, we've hurt a lot of people." He then follows that up with, "We keep asking ourselves, 'Do we make everyone else happy or do we follow our hearts?'" I seriously doubt dude was following his heart, unless his heart is in his pants. Young Jordan seems o be some kind of retarded, saying Hooker is her best friend and "I mean, he's more than just a lover."
I don't know about you guys, but I really see these two crazy kids making it. Girl fresh out of high school, zero life experience and no time to enjoy all the fumbling slobbery-ness and goosebumpy goodness of messing around with the hot guys her own age. Jobless Geezer about to go through a messy divorce and get saddled with child support, and possibly alimony, maybe going to jail if LE determines he did in fact let his shrively man bits travel Jordan's Vagina Junction and break through Hymen Avenue before she was of age. This is true romance, destined to go down in history as this generation's Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau, to be immortalized in a really shittily acted Lifetime movie, starring Hayden Panettierre and Ed Harris. To quote Ashley Simpson, this is L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E.


  1. I am so glad you covered this! Old low-balls thinks he's gonna be cleared on the accusations the mom is making! So on her 18th bday this chick just out of nowhere thought "hey I am totally into banging old, saggy nut having Dads"..this guy has been molding her for a while. He has some fucking nerve, man. If say he really did love her, the last fucking thing any normal and right thinking man would do is start a sexual relationship with a teen, then move in with her while he is still married. Oh and disrespect her mother on top of it! Pig. I hope his ass is in handcuffs by Monday.

  2. "Trashtastic" will have me laughing for a while.

    Exceptionally well done, Boo. ...not that I would expect anything less from a member of the internet's power duo.

  3. wow. We got Kniption in the hizzy....awesome.

  4. How come no one stopped by to say how hot the old man is and how Jordan is such a lucky girl? And Kniption dropped in? Yowza....humina humina humina...

  5. I hope his computer(s) is checked for child porn. Maybe even pics and God knows what else of other students. This prob isn't the first girl he tried to "get with", maybe just the first one who reciprocated.

    Theres so many recent news regarding pedophile teachers. It's disgusting! You have to be afraid for your kids to go to school now too, not just church! Whats next?!
    I guess anywhere kids are "accesible", there will be sicko's...